we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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