boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
