Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
