they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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