And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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