I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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