Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
