I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
