i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
