i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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