Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How does one acquire holy water?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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