Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
