I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
