i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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