The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
