theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
