lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
