you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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