They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pooping to opera.
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