she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
