the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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