there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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