Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
