I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
