If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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