He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
