yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
