Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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