Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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