I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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