What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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