wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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