we're blogging at a bar
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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