i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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