I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
