This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
