a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
