woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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