ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
