WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
