Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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