Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
