Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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