I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
