so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
