I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
