my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
