I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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