I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
