What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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