Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
