Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
