And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
