I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
