drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
