I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
