Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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