I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
