it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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