Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
