I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
