There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
