I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
