What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
