you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
