go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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