I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
