why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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