lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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