He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
