I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
